a letter to my 18 year old self

In June 2020, I just moved to Charleston and bought a small, pink journal from Anthropologie while window shopping, having no idea what that journal would do for me. In the past, I had bought handfuls of journals but never got to filling every page. But this pink journal was different. I started it at a time in my life when so many things were changing. Life was shutting down due to the pandemic. I had just moved to Charleston for the summer. I was living in such a new chapter.

Today, I wrote the last entry in that journal. It is now filled with pages of so much depth. It's filled with a whole year and a half of lessons, memories, heartache, prayer, and brain-dump. It has shaped me into the person writing this right now, nowhere near perfect and still have a lot of learning to do, but happy. Happy and in touch.

The last journal entry:

"It is funny that as I write the last entry in this book, I am also stepping into the last semester of my college days. I started writing in here, having no idea that I would continue to come back with every thought I needed to let out or hold onto. There is power in putting pen to paper - 22-year old me is here to prove it. Looking back at the beginning of this journal, and looking back at my first year of college, I see now that I am a completely different person. I am more of the person that I hope to be in another four years. And I will say that again in another four years. I will continue to say that for the rest of my life because there are always areas where we can grow. But we have to find happiness along the way, even in the smallest of corners. Happiness is not a destination. It is something we find and create right now.

I think it is only appropriate for my last entry to be a letter to my 18-year old self. A girl who just moved into her bright blue dorm, was miles from home, and surrounded my strangers.

Good move. The next four years will hold some of the most wild and fun nights of your life. There will be a few times where you step back to look around and wonder how you got so lucky. You will look around and notice how awesome your life really is. There will also be times where you question what direction you want to go in. There will be some sad, frustrating times. You will shed a few tears. But spoiler alert - it always works out. People will come in and out of your life, each one for a reason whether you realize it at the time or not. You will give small pieces of your heart to people. And contrary to what you believe, you probably will not be leaving school with your husband. Lol. You have so much time to meet so many people and do so many things. It is extremely important to enjoy the simple joys in life. And focus on yourself. These next four years are so defining. And they are great. Challenging, but great.

Some things I've learned along the way:

1. You can make as many plans as you want, but life is better without them. No plan allows you to enjoy the in-betweens. You can step back and go wherever the wind takes you.

2. Everybody has something going on in their life. Be kind.

3. Who you surround yourself with will define you. Community is everything and having support is crucial.

4. Using 'trial and error' is more than okay. In fact, it is the only way to live. Being a human being means that we are going to mess up. But each time that happens, it is only a test for us to grow.

5. Everything is what you make of it.

6. With God at the center of your life, everyday has purpose. Jesus wins every single time. Prayer helps. Community helps. And God has not forgotten about you."

So there you have it. It blows my mind how fast life moves.

I remember feeling this exact same way when graduating high school. As we were about to begin our last summer before college, I remember sitting in the car with my crush at the time (haha) listening to "5 More Minutes" by Scotty McCreery and just thinking 'wow. I am going to miss everything about the last four years.' Bittersweet.

"Time rolls by, the clock don't stop

I wish I had a few more drops

Of the good stuff, the good times

Oh, but they just keep on flyin'

Right on by, like it ain't nothin'

I wish I had me a, a pause button

Moments like those, Lord knows I'd hit it

And give myself five more minutes"

When pages are turned, it gives us an opportunity to do something new and exciting. But those last three lines hit me. The amount of times I have asked myself, "Where is the pause button..." LORD KNOWS I'D HIT IT.

But that is why we have to cherish each moment.

Feeling grateful.

Always,

Sara